Now, any writer with an ounce each of credibility and dignity would’ve (and has) dismissed The Singles as a few songs that sound exactly the same, boasting the same disgusting, unrelentless distortion in each minute of every track alongside every unimaginative riff and stupid, immature lyrics. And I say: where’s this record been my whole life?

Four Minute Warning gives us a perfect display of Chaos U.K.’s gurgling, rupturing power that rips its way throughout the entire record – Chaos’ bass drones heavy through the avalanche of toms and flying shards of metal, Gieger counter overloading. Simon Greenham’s vocal thrusts free of the low earthquake of sound with the kind of fixed, top of range yell I can only compare to Ian Mackaye of Minor Threat, and the tectonic rumble only continues into Kill Your Baby, cymbals smashing and Andy Farrier’s electric guitar scratching overhead. By this time my sister, who had been downstairs following a DIY yoga session on TV, had burst into my room and told me to turn that shit off because the walls were shaking and she could barely hear the instructor. Mission accomplished! I’m the most annoying fucker on the street, and that aint gonna stop me playing my favourite record of all time!!

The ironically militaristic snares, toms and chants in Army all give prominence to the lyrical stanza ‘British army, British army, British army blow ’em up’, which renders Army a lethal combination of a catchy tune, with completely socially unacceptable lyrics (usually doesn’t stop me though). The usual heavy, anchoring bassline rattles along, the whole thing buzzing with distortion that wraps the album in steel wool. In Victimised, Potts’ toms curdle with primeval rampage as the electric guitar burns ahead, Simon’s vocals abrading with rawness and truth – makes sense, as he’s the one who wrote it “after being arrested for something or other”. I was chanting the lyrics ‘I’m being victimised for wearing strange clothes’ the other day because apparently I wouldn’t be let into gig wearing my dog collar, studded belt and trouser chain. No one got it though. I thought it was funny.

Well, guess what? Chaos U.K.’s signature, bone-rattling distortion grinds into Side B in tracks like What About A Future and Hypocrite, bass chundering into a packed, solid wall of harsh vocals, thudding kick, charged static and crushed metal. Senseless Conflict is an uproar of adrenaline with the snares calling, cymbals crashing and Andy’s electric guitar throaty and guttural in its gripping incline. It’s one of my favourites and is definitely worth hearing twice – which is convenient, as it’s on both sides for some reason. Nice one!

Oh god, I’ve been going on and on for weeks about how No Security is the best punk song ever written and now I have to use my actual brain to try and put its power into words. I was showing my neighbour this track and as the stick count began, the aerial whine of electric soared and the bass and toms pumped, I couldn’t help this kind of nauseous, innate adrenaline building up like I was about to fight a werewolf or something and then – Simon’s roar sets off that fucking huge, beastly riff that bolts through the track alongside the snare and kick, not letting up. Electric rears up, toms fall down, I’m ready to fight while shedding tears of joy: this is why this is my favourite record of all time, why I’m annoyed that Chaos U.K. are so underrated and why I spent an evening last week trying to paint ‘CHAOS U.K.’ in white Airfix paint onto my camo jacket, because this is some of the best punk in the world.